两位中科大明信片上的老教授钱学森和贝时璋因病逝世。和天气渐冷，祝愿还健在的老人们，尤其是为新中国建立而奋斗一生的老人们不要再这个冬天加重我们的哀思，让人民有多一点时间来回报你。从黄昆，到费孝通，季羡林，当中国的文化界和科学界终于理解国民党时期的教育仍然有我们可以借鉴的时候，那个时代的大师却纷纷离我们而去。剩下的，只有在杨振宁带领下的改革开放以后新时代的海归在物欲中扒掉我们的理想。

九十年前，北洋政府时期的大学生在街上游行反帝反封建；民国时期的大学生游行变为常态，政党学潮风生水起；三十年前的大学生在天安门广场用血肉之躯抵挡坦克。今天，北方的清华学子大跳忠字舞，南方的清华海归纵身殒命祭奠吃人的高校礼教-于是乎，我们连国都不敢回了？！

今天看完了特别篇的越狱，上周补齐了最后两篇的柯南剧场版，美国很好，但是我终于也明白了，出国只是一种经历，出国只是一个过程，如果你是一棵杨树的种子，那么你终将长成一棵杨树，无论你生长的环境是什么。经历有时候会改变一个人的人生目标，但是它不会改变一个人的精神，一个人生命的意义。

致橡树

我如果爱你——
　　绝不像攀援的凌霄花
　　借你的高枝炫耀自己；
　　我如果爱你——
　　绝不学痴情的鸟儿
　　为绿荫重复单调的歌曲；
　　也不止像泉源
　　常年送来清凉的慰藉；
　　也不止像险峰
　　增加你的高度，衬托你的威仪。
　　甚至日光。
　　甚至春雨。
　　不，这些都还不够！
　　我必须是你近旁的一株木棉，
　　作为树的形象和你站在一起。
　　根，紧握在地下
　　叶，相触在云里。
　　每一阵风过
　　我们都互相致意，
　　但没有人
　　听懂我们的言语。
　　你有你的铜枝铁干
　　像刀、像剑，
　　也像戟；
　　我有我的红硕花朵
　　像沉重的叹息，
　　又像英勇的火炬。
　　我们分担寒潮、风雷、霹雳；
　　我们共享雾霭、流岚、虹霓。
　　仿佛永远分离，
　　却又终身相依。
　　这才是伟大的爱情，
　　坚贞就在这里：
　　爱——
　　不仅爱你伟岸的身躯，
　　也爱你坚持的位置，足下的土地。
　　
                       - 舒婷 1977年3月27日

主啊 我在这里哭求

愿你的荣光把生物这个行当毁灭

奉主耶稣基督的圣名

祷告

阿门

大学的时候很喜欢听报告，无论是天文地理，艺术文化，还是自然科学，都乐此不疲，每每听完，还会写报告心得。每次听完，自己也都会觉得好像人生又有了新的意义。著名的人物，比如杨振宁，李开复，周光召等人的，我都没有去听。最高级别的，也就是校长和副校长的报告了，还有一个就是生科院的施院士来东区做的一个结构生物学的学术报告，竟然和我现在做的东西基本相同，这场报告虽然什么内容都想不起来了，但是貌似没有白听。另外一件，就是错过了毕业典礼。还是挺遗憾的一件事，争取让科大以后给我发一个名誉博士的学位，再补上这个遗憾吧。

上研究生以来，教会的报告，刚来的一年听过不少，第二年就彻底的和报告绝缘了，研讨班是非去不可，除此以外，再没有什么人生经验啊，创业历程啊，学术道路啊，各种各样的报告去听了。不听也不是坏事，比如这次学校中国年请来了一位前摇滚歌手，现IT精英来做一个关于中国互联网现状的报告。很遗憾错过了，但是我又想写一篇听后感，所以只好学春晚小品里面一样，有样学样了。

“其实中国的互联网，起步并不比日韩晚多少，由于人口基数和人口密度的原因，很快就成为经济增长的一个重要组成部分。从最初的中科院接口，到伴随着视窗系统的中文化和个人电脑的普及，现在中国的互联网从硬件和技术上都和世界一流水平没有差别。但是，中国由于特殊的国情，在制度上和自由度上却和其他民主国家有很大的差距。中国政府不承认不同观点存在的合理性和自身制度的可讨论性，建立的绿色长城阻断了一切官方认定的，各种性质的“非法”信息。网民在这种制度下形成了自身的文化，体现出和一般网络文化不尽相同的形态。这就是中国的网络文化。中国和日韩最大的区别，就是对欧美文化采用了批判接受的方式，尤其不会像日本人，学什么东西学得那么认真和到位，因为他们知道，不懂的东西，不能够诚实的处理，往往就会变了味道，因为你根本不了解机理，不知道那部分是不能够扬弃的。“

可见，就算我去听那个报告，能够提出比这些多多少的内容呢？毕竟，国内就看过《九评共产党》（这个纯粹是被人骗了，装了一个流氓软件造成的），新语丝，牛博网，玩过最早的网络社区，见识过玩网游的人的疯狂程度，找过片，聊过天，坑也挖，水也灌，博客删了写，写了删，也闹腾了六七年。这点总结能力也还是有的。可是，毕竟报告已经完了，我说的对不对已经变成了不可知。

其实这就是一个问题，就是如果我能够活到比如说六十岁，那个时候世上的事情，我不做，似乎也可以知道个十有八九，虽然可能也会用什么“老了老了，跟不上时代了”掩饰一下。但是，如果我做了，真的就是那个样子吗？有时候我想，在一定的实践基础上，思考分析，建立一种常识，并且利用这种常识来为人处世，怀疑一切，不受世俗思潮的影响，但是会不会，我本身的思想，就是最值得怀疑的？这种超过我逻辑的偏见，又如何能够通过自身的修养来纠正？跟坏人也要讲三分道理，万一我就是那个坏人怎么办？很多事情，都是等我们想通，已经晚了。而且，就算是有了最踏实的态度，比如平视，比如用发展的眼光看人，用积极的心态来改变可以改变的，不试就不知道等。但是，你有能力随时都全盘的接受吗？就像我听的报告，甚至读过的书，你能够记住哪怕百分之五十的内容吗？你还是不能够最后把这些和已经存在的东西结合或者说统一起来，才能够吸收（也就是说，不经过扬弃的吸收会造成消化不良-对国家对个人都是如此）。那如果原来的概念就是错误的，该怎么办？（所以老师都会强调，学东西就要一步到位，否则很难纠正。）就像我这次错过了这个报告，还不是因为我有更重要的事情去做？所以，原来人的发展，真的不想我原来想象过的，是由局限性的。我们常常强调不折腾，说白了就是要学会混，原来还可以有这么丰富和积极的内涵啊。虽然我不是一个宿命论者，但是现实实在是太令人沮丧了。因为混，就意味着被动的接受适者生存的选择，当然也许在这个过程中也许成了一个“脱离低级趣味的人，有利于人民的人”，那又能怎么样？难道奋斗的价值永远是一个社会和个人无规则发展的附加产物吗？如果是这样，我们的教育又有什么意义呢？

 

http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/10/10/obama.nobel.ed.henry/index.html?iref=newssearch#cnnSTCText


世界依然热爱美国并给予其一定程度上的支持，相信其在世界和平领域可以做得比四年前更加令人充满希望。相比美国前副总统戈尔“塞翁失马，退而结网”，很显然奥巴马的成功从成功学的角度是更加令人称慕的：
黑人作为弱势群体，奥巴马深知必须将弱势转化为优势才能够使自己获得绝对意义上的真正的成功，否则，从逻辑上面他永远有不可消除的弱点或者说矛盾。
这种劣势在于政治上的表现即为黑人由于经济，文化和社会地位和白人相比具有不小的差距，而且因而造成族群的歧视和分裂。
所以奥巴马的策略是自己首先全面的代表这种劣势，利用若干年时间使自己完全染黑。
其次对这种劣势进行转化——通过毕业后支农支教的方式，将自身的劣势和代表这种弱势的改变方向统一起来，赢得基本盘。
再次通过媒体和概念将这种bottom-up的民主和和平崛起的方式转化成符合竞选要求的自我标榜，从而具有广泛意义，他也获得全国人民认同的“good guy”。
最后将这种流行元素和世界大同理念，草根政治理念结合，在短期内成为了pop star，成为了一种世界潮流。
其实，这种政治领域的上位方式在我国由来已久，胡锦涛，马英九就是杰出代表，但是和他们一样，不要期望他们能够做出什么，而要问你能为他们做出什么，也不用争论为什么奥巴马没有在某某问题上表达自己的看法，因为他就没有看法，职业的政治家不需要智商，智商只有大学教授才会care，他们所care的，只是什么时候能够拿到选票，奥巴马拿到世界人民的选票，才有可能完成自己份内的工作，这是现代政治家的逻辑，一切按合同办事，也是诺贝尔委员会的期望，而且，the most sad part is, the world actually would like to buy it. That is how the world works. 至于奥巴马究竟能够做出多少实际贡献，我们拭目以待。

 

西安地区由于河南，回族人口比例很高，所以比较爽利，而传统的宝鸡-岐山一带的陕西话则代表了比较古老的关中语调（和本段中西大街的略近，但是讲的比较冲，没有原本的委婉的味道）。

When I was a child, I used to watching the CCTV seven o'clock news along with my family. I was always wondering why people in the so-called Beijing City could do this and do that, but not us. I asked my mom, why could the children in Beijing march on the street with flowers in their hands all the time? I was too young to remember things by myself then, so that is it. But the point is I had no clue at that time or now that how a city could affect on my life in the future.

The last time when I was in Beijing, I was wandering around the Zhongguancun area. The night is coming, and I become more and more anxious because I feel desperate and I think that I am lost. I am hoping to see the lights of the Building on their fifth to eighth floor, where the Disanji bookstore locates. But it never appears during my an hour searching. I stand at the cross of Taipingyang Square, looking into the north.

It was the Peking University, where I was dreamed of studying many, many years ago. I could still remember, that I even dare not to take a photo when I sneaked into that place. I was 15 and I thought every senior that I saw in campus should be a master in an area of academy. I spent the only spare time of my journey in two places, one is Peking University, and the other is the Haidian bookstore. I look into the west.

I could remember the road, the one from the second circle of Beijing to her fourth one. It was a long, long sunny road for riding a bike. You could pass so many colleges, universities, companies to reach the destination-New oriental English classrooms from the Beijing Normal University, where I stayed for this summer session of GRE study in July, 2005. That is when I actually knew this city. Most of the time, I was busy with my study load. Dreaming of going to the America, there were so many things in my mind, like the future and my career. It was always the least clear one. Many years later, when I saw a movie called, slum dog millionaire, I suddenly realized, that all of my thoughts like my wonders of what is my goal, why I was studying here, why the female profiles were so different from the ones in Hefei and so on, were explained. Because it was written. It was written in 2003, when my father insisted me to go to USTC after the college entrance exam. It was written when I was in grade three, and my grandpa took me to take the new concept English class. It was written when I won a second place in my province in the Olympic competition in biology. It was written when I failed to change my major in college. Everything is the same-it was written. Looking into the east.

I could saw over the many, many not that tall buildings, and saw the chemistry institute of Science academy of China. It was 2006, one year before I went to the States. Five of our USTCers, majoring in material chemistry, took a short summer internship in this institute. All of us are in the North America right now. It was my first time to spend all day in the lab. I could still remember when the gate was locked, how could I jump off it to get into our dormitory. I was along, sitting there to watch a Korean series with tears and I found Prison Break. I followed that show till 2009. I paid a visit of the lab I worked there in August, and every student I know had gone. I was a total stranger there. That time, I know better of Beijing. I visited most of the interesting places of Beijing as far as I know, in the speed of one district per a weekend. I do not know it was because of my shoes, or something else. Each time when I went back, my feet hurt as if I could not walk anymore. You know how big Beijing is, right? No you don't-unless you are like me, use the bus only if I could find one directly. Otherwise, I just walk. I walked through tens of museums, several Hutongs, (I actually got lost for a couple of times in them.) and nearly all of the bookstores I could find in Haidian district, including in campus ones. At that time, I already passed my GRE test, and I started to think in a GRE way, that how the world works, who I am. There was almost none I could answer, and I need raw materials to assist my thinking. I have been doing this for more than three years afterwards. So for right now, I could sit here, without any readings, and think many hours without losing my focus. I could answer a large portion of my questions in this way, and that is what I would like to call "common sense". Look into the south.

Time flies like a bird. The last time when I put my foot on this street was a month ago, and it IS 2009. I stayed in Beijing for my visa renewal. I was surprised to see the beautiful airport that could beat all the airports I passed by in the States. (Later I saw the domestic terminals; it was not that surprised but still good.) I was tired of everything. I met interesting people on board, but we were all by passers. I saw giant buildings, expensive clothes, nice cars and wonderful foods, but those passed off my mind in no time. There is no detail for any of these except the hint from the Olympic Games.

Beijing has so many weird, old traditional names of streets, and they use them for bus stop names. That puzzles me sometime. Like at that moment, if I want to be back to the Rujia restaurant, I need to take the only one bus for an hour to a place which I could never remember what the name is, which is long, and meaningless. But right now, I need to make a choice. Should I continue to search, or just go back to get my things packed? I know the schedule of the buses, and I hope it would work. I know the closing time of the bookstore. I have been there millions of times-even it has been a while from my leaving. I still got time, properly three hours, and I am standing in the middle of the ocean of the crowds. People, buses, cars, bikes, they are running towards me from all the directions. The last moment before I fall into the chaos, I have a glimpse in the sun. She is burning, with blood on her face and clothes nearby, and smiling. I decide to have some dinner and take a breath. The next moment I am awake, it is the time when I am waiting my beef noodles and soy milk. (You know what it is, right?) I regretted to get a hot one, so I ask the waiter for some ice, so that I could add them into my soy milk. I know they sell ice soy milk. But I guess they have their rules. Then I start thinking of someone. I remember when I was in the middle school, I read a series of book hundreds of millions times. It was written by Liu Yong. There are three small books including <Surpass yourself>, <Believe yourself> and <Create yourself>. -As I said, it has been written. A couple of years later, the son of the writer who went to Harvard for a BS and a PhD degree later, wrote another book said, “Hey, you know what I really want? Not all the ‘BS’ that my pa wrote, what I really need is <Find yourself>”. I did read the new book, and it was no good. I think he kind of understood something that I just figure out, that you could never find yourself through the books. You have to be someone, to have someone, so that you will know the answer, and will not lose somewhere.

I was surprised that I finally managed to drink up all the milk in hot. I could be proud to say that I still have a 100% Chinese stomach. It was totally dark outside. Everything, under the darkness, is lack of necessary personalities for me to identify. All the stories, people, and places are hard to see in the dark, so as those so astonishing detailed pictures in my mind. And the important thing is: I make up my mind. I am heading home now. What I need, is just a bus, a bed, and a Boeing 777 plane in 20 hours.

A对B: “你是不是要回去相亲了？”
B 低头不语，只顾吃面。
C见状说道：“贾君鹏你妈叫你回家吃饭！”
B 猛然抬头，愤然地：“哥吃的不是面，是寂寞！”

犬儒主义

很久很久不写东西了，正如鲁迅所说，“当我沉默着的时候，我觉得充实；我将开口，同时感到空虚。”若干年前Google我的名字，仅干过一次，除了关于我的记录一个也没有之外，主要查到的是一个本名张竞生的“张博士”。民国能够起这个名字的，那想都不想都知道是非常nb的人物。不过当时由于失望大于好奇，也没有深究。前些天看《明报月刊》，编委里面有不少不认识的，索性Google了一遍，不知道怎么的把这个名字也放了进去，大约是因为出现在某篇看到的文章里了吧。结果，所有找到的都一概忘记，什么某某作家某某校长，倒是这个名字搜出不少好东西出来。介绍没什么多说的，此人nb之处颇多，作为中国第一次爱情大讨论的发起人，他提出了“爱情的四项定则”：一、爱情是有条件的；二、爱情是可比较的；三、爱情是可以变迁的；四、夫妻为朋友之一种。睡前想了想，竟然全都记住了，可见此定则理论与实践联系之紧密。除了睡前的自省吾身，我的清晨现在通常是这样的，胡思乱想一通，肚子饿了，起来吃东西开始担心一天的事情。今天终于是个例外，外面新鲜的阳光是好久没有见到过的了，想起在两年前某个苏州的早晨，再就是十几年前咸阳老街的早晨，才会有这种感觉，温而不暖，冷而不冽，轻而不浮，沉而不懒，亮而不灼，细而不碎，让人喧而无声，呼而无气，欢而无跃，忧而无伤，回来琢磨一下这种感觉，其实就是两个字，自由。