When I was a child, I used to watching the CCTV seven o'clock news along with my family. I was always wondering why people in the so-called Beijing City could do this and do that, but not us. I asked my mom, why could the children in Beijing march on the street with flowers in their hands all the time? I was too young to remember things by myself then, so that is it. But the point is I had no clue at that time or now that how a city could affect on my life in the future.

The last time when I was in Beijing, I was wandering around the Zhongguancun area. The night is coming, and I become more and more anxious because I feel desperate and I think that I am lost. I am hoping to see the lights of the Building on their fifth to eighth floor, where the Disanji bookstore locates. But it never appears during my an hour searching. I stand at the cross of Taipingyang Square, looking into the north.

It was the Peking University, where I was dreamed of studying many, many years ago. I could still remember, that I even dare not to take a photo when I sneaked into that place. I was 15 and I thought every senior that I saw in campus should be a master in an area of academy. I spent the only spare time of my journey in two places, one is Peking University, and the other is the Haidian bookstore. I look into the west.

I could remember the road, the one from the second circle of Beijing to her fourth one. It was a long, long sunny road for riding a bike. You could pass so many colleges, universities, companies to reach the destination-New oriental English classrooms from the Beijing Normal University, where I stayed for this summer session of GRE study in July, 2005. That is when I actually knew this city. Most of the time, I was busy with my study load. Dreaming of going to the America, there were so many things in my mind, like the future and my career. It was always the least clear one. Many years later, when I saw a movie called, slum dog millionaire, I suddenly realized, that all of my thoughts like my wonders of what is my goal, why I was studying here, why the female profiles were so different from the ones in Hefei and so on, were explained. Because it was written. It was written in 2003, when my father insisted me to go to USTC after the college entrance exam. It was written when I was in grade three, and my grandpa took me to take the new concept English class. It was written when I won a second place in my province in the Olympic competition in biology. It was written when I failed to change my major in college. Everything is the same-it was written. Looking into the east.

I could saw over the many, many not that tall buildings, and saw the chemistry institute of Science academy of China. It was 2006, one year before I went to the States. Five of our USTCers, majoring in material chemistry, took a short summer internship in this institute. All of us are in the North America right now. It was my first time to spend all day in the lab. I could still remember when the gate was locked, how could I jump off it to get into our dormitory. I was along, sitting there to watch a Korean series with tears and I found Prison Break. I followed that show till 2009. I paid a visit of the lab I worked there in August, and every student I know had gone. I was a total stranger there. That time, I know better of Beijing. I visited most of the interesting places of Beijing as far as I know, in the speed of one district per a weekend. I do not know it was because of my shoes, or something else. Each time when I went back, my feet hurt as if I could not walk anymore. You know how big Beijing is, right? No you don't-unless you are like me, use the bus only if I could find one directly. Otherwise, I just walk. I walked through tens of museums, several Hutongs, (I actually got lost for a couple of times in them.) and nearly all of the bookstores I could find in Haidian district, including in campus ones. At that time, I already passed my GRE test, and I started to think in a GRE way, that how the world works, who I am. There was almost none I could answer, and I need raw materials to assist my thinking. I have been doing this for more than three years afterwards. So for right now, I could sit here, without any readings, and think many hours without losing my focus. I could answer a large portion of my questions in this way, and that is what I would like to call "common sense". Look into the south.

Time flies like a bird. The last time when I put my foot on this street was a month ago, and it IS 2009. I stayed in Beijing for my visa renewal. I was surprised to see the beautiful airport that could beat all the airports I passed by in the States. (Later I saw the domestic terminals; it was not that surprised but still good.) I was tired of everything. I met interesting people on board, but we were all by passers. I saw giant buildings, expensive clothes, nice cars and wonderful foods, but those passed off my mind in no time. There is no detail for any of these except the hint from the Olympic Games.

Beijing has so many weird, old traditional names of streets, and they use them for bus stop names. That puzzles me sometime. Like at that moment, if I want to be back to the Rujia restaurant, I need to take the only one bus for an hour to a place which I could never remember what the name is, which is long, and meaningless. But right now, I need to make a choice. Should I continue to search, or just go back to get my things packed? I know the schedule of the buses, and I hope it would work. I know the closing time of the bookstore. I have been there millions of times-even it has been a while from my leaving. I still got time, properly three hours, and I am standing in the middle of the ocean of the crowds. People, buses, cars, bikes, they are running towards me from all the directions. The last moment before I fall into the chaos, I have a glimpse in the sun. She is burning, with blood on her face and clothes nearby, and smiling. I decide to have some dinner and take a breath. The next moment I am awake, it is the time when I am waiting my beef noodles and soy milk. (You know what it is, right?) I regretted to get a hot one, so I ask the waiter for some ice, so that I could add them into my soy milk. I know they sell ice soy milk. But I guess they have their rules. Then I start thinking of someone. I remember when I was in the middle school, I read a series of book hundreds of millions times. It was written by Liu Yong. There are three small books including <Surpass yourself>, <Believe yourself> and <Create yourself>. -As I said, it has been written. A couple of years later, the son of the writer who went to Harvard for a BS and a PhD degree later, wrote another book said, “Hey, you know what I really want? Not all the ‘BS’ that my pa wrote, what I really need is <Find yourself>”. I did read the new book, and it was no good. I think he kind of understood something that I just figure out, that you could never find yourself through the books. You have to be someone, to have someone, so that you will know the answer, and will not lose somewhere.

I was surprised that I finally managed to drink up all the milk in hot. I could be proud to say that I still have a 100% Chinese stomach. It was totally dark outside. Everything, under the darkness, is lack of necessary personalities for me to identify. All the stories, people, and places are hard to see in the dark, so as those so astonishing detailed pictures in my mind. And the important thing is: I make up my mind. I am heading home now. What I need, is just a bus, a bed, and a Boeing 777 plane in 20 hours.